Happy Anniversary!

Today is 11 years that I have married my best friend, Sean. We were married June 7, 1997. At the time, Sean and I were quite young in society's eyes, Sean was 24 an I had just turned 23; but we knew from very early in our relationship that we would be together forever.

I would be lying if I said the road of marriage was easy. But giving up can also be easy if you make it. Marriage will have its ups an downs, but it will also be very rewarding if you work at it. There were many times that Sean and I could have just said, Screw it, I am not dealing with this crap. But we didn't....and that is key.

I grew up very different from Sean. So we both had different ideas of what love really was. But thru the 11 years we have been married and the 14 years in total that we have been together, we have learned some of the most valuable lessons in life - Love, Honour, Respect, Cherish. But the most important lesson we learned about marriage is the importance of communication. Sean and I are more open now, we listen better and better as time passes and we continue to get stronger, where many marriages sadly destruct.

I can honestly say that I love Sean more today than I did when I married him and if it is possible, I will love him more tomorrow, next week, next year. I made a vow that I will love, honour and respect him until death parts us. I promise to keep that vow now and forever.

So I want to say to my husband, Happy Anniversary Sean! I love you so much, always and forever! Thank you for being in my life and making it shine. With love, your Sweets.

Toothless Wonder

It has been an exciting time in our house as we had 2 back to back visits from the tooth fairy!!

Jonah's front bottom teeth have been wiggly for some time. He came to show me that he could "bend" the tooth all the way back. Of course, the scrapbooker that I am, had to take a picture!

Daddy was teasing Jonah and asked him if he wanted Daddy to pull it out - Jonah said, "what?" and Daddy just repeated the last part "pull it out" - SO......Jonah did. He just reached in and popped it out. No tears, no drama, just excitement at the fact that he no longer has a front tooth!

So that night we put it in his special tooth fairy pillow that he received as a baptism gift. He didn't want to fall asleep in case he would miss the tooth fairy! He finally did drift off and the tooth fairy came to take his tooth. She left Jonah with a shiny Loonie and a Toonie! I heard Jonah wake in the morning and I could hear the whispering cheers followed by 2 "kerplunks". Jonah was very quick to put his money in his piggy bank. I asked him what happened and he told me the tooth fairy left him "monies". He said "I got 2 whole dollars!" - since I had the inside on the tooth fairy, I said, are you sure? What did they look like?" Jonah replied "one was gold, one was silver AND gold". So I told him that was actually 3 dollars. You would think he won the lotto! We had to call Daddy right away at work to tell him the good news.

We had to make our phone calls to tell everyone else, Sarah, TeeTee, Nana, Papa and everyone we saw - mailman, grocery clerk - everyone!

Jonah heads off to school to tell his friends. When I picked him up, we had more exciting news! The other tooth fell out! So now Jonah has both his bottom teeth gone, and the cutest little gap in his mouth. So once again, we get a visit from the tooth fairy - another $3. Jonah was very excited to have $6. When we asked him what he was going to do with the money, he said he is keeping it in his piggy bank until he has enough money to take Mommy and Daddy to Subway for dinner! At this rate...Meatball sub, here we come!

Challenges

The past few weeks I have been experiencing challenges - different challenges. Some have been good, some annoying and some that are making me question myself - those are the ones that really piss me off.
Of the "pissers" one of them has to do with weight loss, the other has to do with doubting myself as a mother.
Jonah has been a montessori boy since he was 18 or 19 months old. This is a private school that is not funded so we pay an expensive tuition. We figured we would be paying money out for daycare, why not put the extra out there and give him a better education?? Well, we decided that for senior kindergarten we would put him in public school - it would save us money, he will have the chance to adapt before grade one, and it will be his last year "being a kid". Meaning that for the rest of his school life, he will be in school all day! So why not let him have the year that he will have school for half a day and be a kid the rest of the day. Sounds right to me. I have thought about this, lost sleep over this, prayed for the right answer. As a mom, do we ever feel that we have made the right decision?? I honestly do feel like I made the right choice but I think the emotion side of this is getting to me and that pisses me off. No one ever said being a mom is easy but MAN making decisions that can affect your childs life is so consuming!! UGH!
OK, that was one vent.....the other is my weight. I joined a Biggest Loser Challenge on a scrapbook site I visit regularly. It is challenging me to lose the weight for the team I am on. I want to do this, I want to feel good about myself, want my husband to find me sexy, want to look good in my friends wedding, want to enjoy scrapbooking pictures of myself for frigs sake! But let me tell you, I hate water, can't do the water. Frankly I think it tastes like shit and I am pretty sure a cows ass would taste better. I gag when I try to get it down. SO that would be the annoying part of my challenge....
BUT I have had good challenges. I enrolled in an online class that is helping me be more creative with my scrapbooking. I love the class, the women in the class are amazingly funny, encouraging and very welcoming! Every week there are assignments. You are given a few examples and you try to make your own rendition of it. I have tried some new things that I have never done and will continue to step outside the box because of this class.
Bottom line, I know challenges are good for us. Its just find ing the perfect balance. Well, I guess I just gave myself another challenge.....find that balance Char! LOL

OK, done with my vent. Have a wonderful Victoria Day Weekend!
Peace Out!

Happy Mothers Day!

"Happy Mother's Day" means more
Than have a happy day.
Within those words lie lots of things
We never get to say.
It means I love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.
It means you mean a lot to me,
And that I honor you.
But most of all, I guess it means
That I am thinking of
Your happiness on this, your day,
With pleasure and with love.

Happy Mothers Day to all my friends!

Time to part ways

Today we had a garage sale - Sean was so happy to be getting rid of the "junk" that is taking up all this space. Now to me, it was not junk...ok, some things maybe - but I have always been a packrat (thanks to my Dad).
The items that dominated the garage sale were mostly baby items - Jonah's highchair, swing, carriage, carseat, and MANY toys. Now I should mention that Sean has been trying to clear these items out of the garage for quite some time! But I would not budge. I was afraid to get rid of these items because of how I would feel. Would the memories be gone? Would we have another baby? So Sean and I negotiated. I got to keep the playpen! LOL
Seeing people look thru my boys things and barter a price was not too enjoyable I admit....but then this lady approached me. She told me her "young" daughter was pregnant and because they are tight for money, they need to find the main items thru garage sales. After talking with this lady a bit, I found out that her "young" daughter just turned SIXTEEN! I could see the disappointment in this strangers eyes, but also saw the twinkle when she said "it will be hard, she has no money and we are supposed to be retiring soon - but at least this baby will know what it is like to be loved." That did it for me right there. I started giving her things for free and that feeling of doubt of selling Jonah's baby items, soon went away. I know that this baby will enjoy the items just like Jonah did and she will be able to give that baby comfortable and reliable furniture. Memories of Jonah with those items will not go away, I realize that now. More will be made!!
I wish this stranger baby, who is having a baby, all the best and hopes she enjoys every moment.

And yes, Sean is quite happy that very little stuff made it BACK into the garage.

The baby that wasn't meant to be mine....

It feels like time has just flown by.

This week would have been my due date week had I not had a miscarriage last August.

It happened the day after one of my best friends wedding, I was a bridesmaid. I am thankful that it did not happen on the wedding day itself, but saddened that it happened regardless.
Although this was not a planned pregnancy, it still hurt. Hurt so much that I didn't understand why I was so deeply upset.
My family and friends were all very supportive and comforting. Some people said it was a sign to show me I could still have more kids (with all of my issues, it was doubted), some people said it was God's way of telling me that there was something wrong with the baby and better to take him/her now instead of later, some simply said, "It's ok, it will happen with the time is right"
So how do I know when that time is right? Why wasn't THAT time right?

I truly was devastated to have suffered this miscarriage, and now sitting and thinking that i could have had a baby in my arms right now, consumes me with sadness and a strange feeling of inadequacy. I know I cannot continue to wallow and I know that I cannot go back in time and change things.....I guess I am struggling dealing with the feelings I have for the baby that wasn't meant to be mine.

Right now I am.......

Caught up - on organizing my 2007 pictures to be printed.
Full - from eating breakfast with Jonah. Back on WW again so I went with the high fibre Muslix.
Happy - that it might rain today so Jonah and I can go thru his toys and get rid of the ones he doesnt need!
Thinking - that I really need to get on this weight loss before I get any more miserable about it.
Pleased - to see that my tulip bulbs are bound and determined to show their face for the 4th year!
Loving - my husband for the sweet words and moment we had yesterday.
Relieved - that I don't have to drive 1.5 hours to work anymore!
Proud - that Jonah is on a mission to save the earth!
Watching - Scooby Doo with Jonah
Laughing - at the funny emails I have received
Beating myself up for - letting my weight get to where it is.
Excited - for the scrapbook retreat in May!!

So what are you doing right now?

I couldn't ask for more

Waking with smiles and kisses

Small talk with a 5 year old

Listening to music that speaks to you

Hugs from strangers that doesn't feel strange

Meeting new friends

Feeling connected

Learning

Holding a 5 week old newborn baby girl

Warm spring air

Beautiful blazing sun

Water fights

Slip and Slides

Mud puddles

Giggles and laughs

Relaxing with friends

Telling stories of new and old

Wishing the day doesn't have to end

What more could I ask for?

Footprints of the Past

It still amazes me that a certain event in a persons life can leave footprints on their heart forever. My footprints are from my childhood and they came from Niagara Falls. To this day when we go to Niagara, I get butterflies in my stomach, memories come flooding back and I can't help but smile. Sean has always told me he wishes he knew what that feeling was like. It is a feeling like none other. And I wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world!
Every summer until the age of 16, we camped in Niagara Falls at a place called Orchard Grove. We stayed for the whole summer, not just a weekend here and there. Last day of school Mom and Dad would pick my sister and I up with the car packed and ready to go - and we didn't return to Toronto until Labour Day! These summers formed my childhood. It may seem silly since it was 2 months of every year, but when I think about my childhood, it is Orchard Grove that comes to mind and puts a smile on my face.
I have been thinking about Orchard Grove a lot lately. Now that I have my own son, I see how vital Orchard Grove was in my life, and I can only hope for the same for him. I have been waking in the morning to the sounds of birds - this seems fairly normal, right? Except that I SWEAR it is the same group of birds that we would hear in our trailer. I know, crazy, but I can't help that feeling. The smell of the crisp morning air, the smell of an early morning camp fire, the squirrels rustling in the trees, hearing and smelling these the last few days has made me stop in my tracks. I close my eyes and feel like I am standing at our campsite - the same site we had for as long as I remember, the Buttons on the right and the Bushes on the left and the Irvins across the roadway. It is this place that I had no care in the world, many people were interested in my well being, had my first job, had my first real kiss, learned to drive a car, there was the red park, survivor in the woods, "3rd washroom", the arcade, the tree by the tilt a whirl, the ATV, the mini Honda. And the people! So many people that I met thru the campground, some permanent residents, some just for a week - all of them....footprints. I am snapped out of this memory every morning with Jonah impatiently waiting to get into the car asking "What are you doing, Mommy? Let's go!"

The owner of the campground, Bill Foreman, passed away in July of 2006. It hit me quite hard. I felt like a piece of my childhood was gone. His picture is at my desk at home, I see him smile everyday and I can't help but smile back, silently thanking him for the most amazing childhood I could ever ask for. And I know that because of him, because of the people, because of the memories, because of the smells - that these footprints of the past will remain in my heart forever.

Here's to a Better Week!

Last week was such a yucky week that I am determined to have a better one this week! I had gotten the idea from another blogger to write down 10 things that make me happy and that I am thankful for. Give it a try, it might lift your spirits as well!

1. That I have a very healthy and happy son when i was told kids were not possible.
2. That I have a husband that loves me even more than he did when we first fell in love.
3. That I have a happy home full of love and respect.
4. Amazing and supportive friends and family.
5. For the new and wonderful friends at BVC.
6. That Sean raised his hand! That was huge for me.
7. That my son Jonah wants to "save the earth."
8. Being home in the mornings again to have breakfast with Jonah.
9. My scrapbooking!! LOL
10. And let's not forget my boyfriend, Jon Bon Jovi! ;)