Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Falling apart

Have you ever felt like your life was just falling apart?
Did it actually fall apart?
Were you able to pick up the pieces, or did it just consume you?
This is where I had been sitting for quite awhile - in the spot that life consumes you because you feel like it is falling apart.
No one ever said life was easy. We all get hit by life challenges and we generally survive them.
I've always taken the stance that things are not really THAT bad because I know somewhere out there someone else is suffering more than I am.
But when you feel like you are suffering the most, you can forget that about others.
Selfish? Maybe. But it happens.
There were days I didn't want to get out of bed, do my job, talk to anyone.
Closing the world out seemed like the answer at the time.
I realize now that my closing out the world taught me different lessons.

What did I learn?

I hate cancer. Immensely.
I hate hospital protocols.
I hate death.
I'm afraid of death.
I hate what happens to families when sickness or death occurs.
I hate feeling helpless.

What else did I learn?

That cancer can be given a hard fight.
That there are amazing doctors.
That we have awesome health care.
That there are wonderful people in my life.
That I should never lose faith.
That there are people who will help you pull up the bootstraps when needed.
That fearing death takes away my joy of living.
That it is ok to be mad. Sad. Angry.
And sometimes....selfish.
That life will always have challenges and I need to appreciate the lesson those challenges will teach me.
I have learned that when I feel like I am falling apart I need to be aware that the glue is not far away.

And most importantly......
...............I'm not alone.

1 comment:

Jayne said...

{{{hug}}} Your 1st paragraph could have been written by me - yes I have been there - for different reasons but there none the less. You are not alone! Love you!!