....is never an easy thing.
I was never a fan of that song. Always turned it off when it came on the radio. Oddly enough, the last couple of days I have been saying that line in my head. Just that one line. Why? Because that it how I am feeling about my upcoming surgery.
My male readers - this may be your time to check out ;)
When I was a young gal, I was told I would not have a baby. I had a lot of "issues" in that area and the doctors prepared me to be childless. Even put it in my head that even if I DID get pregnant, the chance of me having a healthy baby were slim, that I probably wouldn't carry to full term and could possibly hurt myself in the process. I was lucky enough to have a doctor who believed it would happen. And it did. On Tuesday February 11, 2003, I gave birth to the most precious baby boy. My Jonah.
Now, it wasn't a perfect pregnancy and the problems that I had before came back - even worse. I suffered a miscarriage and also had a mass in my uterus. I had surgery to repair and I was cancer-free. Apparently my uterus decided to be a bitch and have an attitude. Here I am again, with 2 more masses and a lesion. Pain that actually makes me pass out. I went to the doctors, specialists and they only had one resolution.
This Wednesday, I am having a hysterectomy.
I would say most, if not all, of my friends responded the exact same way. With a "I am so relieved for you" or "Oh that is so great!" and even a "congratulations!". Meanwhile, I was torn apart.
Now don't get me wrong, I am a logical person. I KNOW that this is the right step for my health, for my WELLNESS. But my emotions tend to overrule logic. Me, emotional? Imagine that!!
The part that I am having a hard time with is saying goodbye to a vital piece of me. I was told for a long time that I would not have a baby. I did and now they want to take out that piece. They are taking out my Jonah home. My Jonah Home. His first home. I am in tears just writing this, this is how much it bothers me. The fact that they are just going to chuck it in the trash when it carried so much meaning to me. I can't bear it.
I received a wonderful email from my friend Sheri, who I have known since we were little girls. She told me that I am not losing Jonah's first home. His first home was my in my heart and soul. I had a good cry. Of course she is right. And I know that. I just have a hard time letting go.
I have awesome family and friends who are supportive and doing what they can to assure me that it will all be ok. Love and support, not just empty words. It is that which will help me say goodbye.
Because saying goodbye is never an easy thing.